Little old Lady

Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.

Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:
Why not?

Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:
What happened next?

Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'

Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ' April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard

South African Humour

Highlights of the week ...

Well to say the least this week has been pretty interesting, beside being on water restrictions since the "Big Freeze", we have aparently had an infestation of rats as well.  I must say I haven't seen them, but our neighbors have, so we all called out pest control, I believe it happens quite often as we have a green or a field behind us and the rats come in from there, run along the wall and eat the food you leave out for the birds or your animals. 

Our wonderful kind neighbor offered to let them in on Thursday morning while I was at work and seeing as he still has a key for our house it made sense.  Now, D and I have been a bit slack since we came back from our holiday and have not put the alarm on.  So after Colin had let the pest control people in, he locked up and "ARMED" the ALARM.  I got home at about 3 ish with Emily and unlocked the door and heard beep, beep, beep, beep, thinking oh S*&t, Colin put the alarm on - I tried to reach back in my memory banks for the code and I knew it had something to do with Emily's birthday, but what?  Oh my heaven's, the thing kept saying to me "please enter the code"  and I kept entering the wrong code until ... the most deafining ear piercing alarm rang out.  The alarm system is linked directly to the security company and then to the local Garda Station (Police station for any foreigners ;)), so the next thing that happened was the telephone rang and the person on the other side of the phone wanted our secret password, I tried telling him it was a secret but he still wanted it.

The alarm kept ringing and ringing and ringing, beside having the alarm company on the one phone, I had Derrick on my mobile and Siobhan (our neighbor) had colin on her mobile, the alarm company go irrate with me when I couldn't give him the "secret" password which D had forgotten too (I told you it was a secret), but eventually had the code and managed after the 5th attempt to enter it in right.  I phoned the company to let them know, but they said unless I had the secret code they couldn't cancel the call, unless I emailed them proof of ID and a utility bill, which I duly did while D actually remembered the code and phoned me back. 

By now it was almost 5 PM, the security company phoned me back, told me the security name I had was correct and I duly went about my normal daily routine except of course for the disruption.  By 6 o'clock I had just put dinner on and Emily and I were going to sit down and watch her favourite show "Murder She wrote", when the doorbell went.   There outside the house was a big Garda Van with Blue lights and a young Garda man enquiring whether we were okay, so even though the call was cancelled they still came to check up on us, which makes you feel really safe.

Must admit that I felt very old, because the Garda in his beautiful polished uniform looked like a child to me, barley 17 I would say, I guess that happens the older you get.

Oh yes and the water Crisis, aparently reserves in Dublin are very low and they are blaming this on the big freeze and I assume too because we have not had our required rainfall for a while now, so we have been rashoned to a water tank a day, they turn it off at about 8PM and only turn it on again at 8AM, which has not affected our lifestyle as yet, so we just wait and see.

If you're Irish

I thought I would start this post of with a song, are you all ready now, sing along ....

If you're Irish come into the parlour

There's a welcome there for you

If your name is Timothy or Pat

So long as you come from Ireland

There's a welcome on the mat

If You come from the Mountains of Mourne

Or Killarney's lakes so blue

We'll sing you a song and we'll make a fuss

Whoever you are you are one of us

If you're Irish, this is the place for you

I arrived home yesterday and there waiting was a slip to collect a registered letter from the post office for both D and I.  I hopped straight back in the car and went to collect it, thinking could it finally be or just another request for more documentation, but there it was finally after more than three and a half years, finally our certificates of citizenship had arrived.   And all very posh I might add, lamenated and beautiful written in IRISH, so we can't understand a bloody word of it, I guess Em will have to translate for us as soon as she starts learning to read Irish, she already gets an A for Irish and she is only 6.

So after all my stress over the past few years, once we apply for our Irish passports we no longer need a visa to visit most countries in the Northern Hemisphere, what a relief.  Now can we win the lotto so that we can go travelling again!   I guess we can now avail of those cheap Ryan air flights, when they are not grounded due to strike action, ah well Europe here we come!

We did not have to give up our South African citizenship as we applied to the South African High Commission to hold dual citizenship which was granted, so our blood is still very much South African for those of you who think we have foresaken our land and country of our birth.

I still have to do a post on everything we have been through to get these certificates which will have to wait a while. 

By the way we have changed our names you can now refer to us as Róisin and Daragh!

Not now ...

It's bed time so I don't have time to write the post I wanted to, but I am going through the photographs I took today and I think this one is pretty good, don't you?

Black Ice NOT by ACDC

You would think, after all, that a country like Ireland would be geared for the weather, but no when it rains people don't know how to drive, when it snows the same goes, and when there is black ice well let me say no more.

I left an extra 15 minutes earlier this morning because I heard on the radio that there was black ice (Lisa's Black taxi driver quizzed her the other day about, why do they call it "Black" ice) anyway to get back to my story, I headed towards the M50 but the queue was already backed up close to our estate and I just knew from what they were saying on the Radio that it would be 2 hours before I got to work, if not longer.

So I turned around and headed toward Dundrum and Sandyford, going up the hill towards the back of Marley Park (the front was too backed up), there was still almost a foot of snow up the road - it has snowed again on Tuesday night in the Sandyford and Glencullin area (Johnny foxes) but nothing down by us. So it was pretty easy going up the road and when going past Marlay you basically drive alongside the M50, well everything had narrowed down to 1 lane there were, blue lights and a few bumper bashings.

The road sailed pretty smoothly for me and I was eventually on the M50 South without a problem, except I wasn't doing my normally 120km's an hour but sticking to 80km's because you could see the build up of black ice if you looked carefully and a few skid marks where cars had skidded. I got to my exit in about 20 minutes which was backed up and then of course it was another 20 minutes before I got to the office (only 2 km's form there). But I was pretty proud of myself for not joining the "commuter chaos". Needless to say I was the only one at work by 08:30 and remembered all the alarm codes this time, and most people only got into work by 10 o'clock by no fault of theirs. Val who comes from Naas and normally travels an hour to work, took 3 hours to get to the office, so I think I may take my route again tomorrow.

I forgot to mention that yesterday we went to the Glenview Hotel in Bray for lunch and the snow was also very thick there, this time I did not have my camera to take pictures. Today driving to Bray the "sugarloaf" mountain actually resembled the Matterhorn in Switzerland it looked so beautiful, however I couldn't stop and take photos. In some parts of the Wicklow mountains the snow is 7ft deep, so I am hoping to get some photos on the week-end if the snow is still there.

What causes Arthritis???

A drunk man who smelled like beer

sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face

was plastered with red lipstick,

and

a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking

out of his torn coat pocket.

He

opened his newspaper and

began reading.

After a few minutes the man

turned to the priest and asked,

'Say Father,

what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's

caused by loose living,

being with

cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,

sleeping around with prostitutes

and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response,

'Well, I'll be damned, '

Then returned to

his paper.

The priest, thinking about what

he had said, nudged the man

and

apologized. 'I'm very sorry.

I didn't mean to come on so strong.

How long

have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father.

I was just reading here

that the Pope does.'

MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.

The Tooth Fairy

Our dear little girl lost her very first tooth today, it has been loose for a while and finally tonight it looked like it was about to come out, I questioned her about it and she started twisting it and it finally popped out.  Well there was such great excitement that I think it is the first time EVER she has voluntarily run up stairs and gotten ready for bed.  So what is the tooth fairy going to leave her, I wonder ...

The Big Smelt ...

So it seems that the weather forecasters got it wrong, but then this is Ireland and they seem to get a lot of things wrong and then everyone tries to blame someone, and of course who should be to blame according to the people well yes naturally the government. It is the transport ministers fault that there was an unprecedented amount of snow in Ireland and especially Dublin, which brought the city to a grinding halt and created "commuter caos" (the press loves that one).

The forecasters were obviously following accuweather.com thinking they would get an accurate prediction, I have been following the weather there and it has been "pretty" accurate but not 100%, it predicted snow for Saturday, Sunday & Monday. Instead the snow came on Friday, and so not to get caught up in the "commuter chaos" that I had on Wednesday, I left work about an hour earlier, on my way I stopped at the grocery store to pick up the normal weekly groceries, I thought that at least if the predictions were right, I wouldn't have to go out on Saturday. The store was full of shoppers, busy but not hectic, I got everything I needed included lots of fresh veggies to make a big pot of soup.

After I picked up Em from the crèche (oh yes in case I forgot to mention, the schools were supposed to go back on Thursday 7th, but the Education Minister closed them because of the "Big Freeze", until the 14th, but has now reopened them on the 12th because of the "Big Smelt"), anyway we headed home and just in time because later that evening it started snowing again. We had lots of snow on Friday night and then Saturday, the roads were just a mess, luckily we did not have to go out and only took a walk to the shop to save us from getting Cabin Fever, it is a short walk to the shops but took us long due to snow ball fights and general messing.

Then Saturday night it snowed again, we woke on Sunday morning to at least 10 cm's of fresh snow on top of what was already there, we needed to get out though and headed off to Dundrum, by this time which was about 1 o'clock the snow had started to melt, and it has continued to melt most of today as well, which I am sure gave everyone a sigh of relief. Especially the government who will be hauled over the coals by the opposition parties at the next parliamentary meeting.

The poor minister of Transport has been criticised for being on holiday while the snow fell and leaving the transport system in chaos, now the problem with these ministers being interview on TV is they do not think before opening their mouths, the minister of transport jumped to his own defence by saying: "that there is nothing he can do, if it going to snow it is going to snow" instead of saying that "everything was under control and he had his "people" looking after it", I mean the man is entitled to his holiday and why must he rush back if it snows, he has people working for him to look after things when there is a crisis ... yea right they were probably stuck in the snow.

Okay, so let's see what the government have been blamed for in the last 6 months, the floods across Ireland, the Snow, the Banking crisis ( I would agree with that one), let’s make a list and see what else we can blame them for.
Oh yes I wanted to say that when I was doing my weekly grocery shop on Saturday there were people buying up trolley loads of bricketts for the fire, the Salt was sold out, but a shipment of gritting salt arrive in Cork this morning, why they were out of Table salt only they know. The Polish girl that works with me, laughed she said snow this isn't snow come to Poland and Marcella at the crèche who is from the Czech republic said the same thing, she said she went to do grocery shopping on Saturday and the shelves were empty, people went on a panic buying spree, the shops ran out of eggs, milk, all the basics, bottled water you name it, it was gone. Kind of reminds me when we all stocked up on Candles and tinned food in South Africa, can't even remember why that was, oh yes it happened here in Ireland as well I think that was just after 9/11.

I just read an interesting article on the Snow Crisis, read it here: http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/opinion/2010/0109/1224261978140.html

You really do appreciate everything you have when you hear about people who’s pipes have burst because of the freeze, running out of oil for the heaters and not being able to get a delivery, people stuck in their cars for 11 hours or more, and here I was complaining about a 3 hour journey home.

Let’s hope it is all over now and we can get back to some kind of normality.

The Big Freeze

What is normally a 20 minute journey from home to work and vice versa, took me over 3 hours today. I tried to leave work at 2 to fetch Emily, but the exit out of the Industrial estate was blocked with cars, I eventually left at about 3, after taking me 45 minutes just to leave the estate, I then took a detour which may not have been such a wise move.

I eventually turned off my detour and went back to join the M50, which flowed with ease until the Dundrum / Sandyford off ramp, which then crawled all the way to my off ramp, the worst is there is no other off ramp between the two so I just had to sit. I eventually walked through the door at just past 6 PM, luckily D had gone to fetch Emily, and it took him a total of 4 hours to get home.

I was actually quite frightened at one stage, my car was spinning on the ice, my heater decided to start blasting out cold air, I needed the loo, some skangers started pelting my car with snow balls which sounded like the windows were going to break, oh and to top it all my battery on my mobile phone had died. I felt really venerable in the situation and became quite emotional that I was away from my loved ones.

So tomorrow I am not going to work, not quite sure how bad the roads will be but we will take each moment as it presents itself. But for now I am off to my nice warm bed.

One thing is for certain, people behave odd when the weather is not normal, they forget how to drive, they get stressed.

More inspirational New Year Messages

SNOW

Well the old year ended with it starting to snow probably about an hour or so before midnight, I am not quite sure when, I just remember Lisa going out for a smoke and saying it was snowing - however to me this did not mean much because it had been trying to snow for the past couple of weeks but we just ended up with bitterly cold days and no snow.  But I looked out and at least 6 cm's had fallen already and it was quite thick on top of the ground and the garden table.

I had watched the 7 o'clock news the previous day and seen the snow in the rest of the country and for once I was not envious that we did not have any, mainly because it started snowing in the UK about a week or two before Christmas and places like Scotland were experiencing -14 degrees and up.  In the west of Ireland some homes pipes had burst and some people had not had electricity or water for days.  So I was quite happy being huddled up in my house with my heating and lots of hot water, not having to worry about going out. 

Then it snowed, it probably didn't snow for long, but what there is has stayed because it is just far too cold to melt.  The roads are like ice-rinks, D helped an elderly man from 3 houses up get his car into his driveway, because he just couldn't get it up the road.  Today we went off to Dundrum to see Planet51 again this time with D and Lisa and we had to travel at about 20 km's an hour and the roads were slippy.  However later it seemed to have melted a bit on the main roads but the side roads were still very icy.

Let's just hope it all melts and the roads go back to normal by Monday.  Here are some of our photos - Also Owen H. took some brilliant photos which you can see here:  http://owenhiggins.xanga.com/719367188/new-year-in-photos/

Happy New Year everyone!