SNOW, SNOW, SNOW and MORE SNOW

Last night I had to leave my car at the bottom of the hill as it just would not make it up, I phoned Derrick and I think he tried for about 2 hours to move it but eventually decided to just park it at the bottom of the hill.

Tonight after being stuck on the motorway for ages I eventually arrived into our estate and once again could not make it up the hill, but there were about 8 or 9 guys shoveling snow in the road making the road more accessible for the neighbors, Emily was helping too and doing a sterling job - she was also helping push cars up the road.  But this whole snow ordeal has reminded me about that email that went around a few years ago, and luckily someone sent it to me tonight, so I thought I would share it with you all.

The following is a diary of a South African who emigrated to the United Kingdom to escape the crime, corruption, inefficiency and Bee.

December 31st

Started snowing the first of the season and the first real snow we have ever seen. The wife and I took our buttered buns and sat by the window watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground, it was beautiful.

January 1^st

Happy New Year what a wonderful start to the year

We woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape and what a fantastic sight every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time and loved it. I did both our driveway and pavement. Later the snow plough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway and compacted snow from the street but the driver smiled and I waved back and continued shovelling.

January 2nd

It snowed an additional 5inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around eleven degrees, several branches on the trees and shrubs have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came and did the trick again. The snow is turning brownish grey.

January 3rd

Warmed up enough to create some slush, which soon became ice again when the temperature dropped. I bought snow tyres for the car. Slipped and fell on my arse on the driveway. £145 for the chiropractor but nothing broken. More snow expected tonight. 

January 4^th

Still bitter cold, sold wife’s car and bought a 4X4 in order to get to work. Slid into the guard rail and some considerable damage to the rear bumper and right rear panel. Had another 6 inches of white shit last night. Car covered in salt and sh*t, more shovelling in store for today. The f*cking snow plough came past twice today.

January 5^th

7 degrees outside more f*cking snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that has nor been damaged. Power was off most of the night, tried to stop from freezing to death with candles and paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly burnt the f*cking house down. I managed to put out the flames but suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all of my eyebrows and eyelashes. The car skidded on the ice on the way to the hospital and it looks like it is a write-off.

January 6^th

Fucking white sh*t keeps falling day and night. I have to put on all my clothes just to go outside. If I ever catch that f*cking bastard that drives the snow plough I will pull his f*cking arms and legs off. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling, and then he comes down the road at a 100 mph and buries the driveway and pavement again. Power still off, toilet froze and the roof has started to cave in with the weight of the snow.

January 7^th

Oh God, 6 more inches of snow and f*cking ice and who knows what other kind of sh*t fell last night. I wounded the f*cking snowplough driver with an ice pick but he got away. The wife has left me to join her mother in Spain. The car won’t start and I think I am going snow blind. I cannot move my toes anymore and haven’t seen the sun in weeks. More snow predicted, wind chill is 22 f*cking degrees below.

F*ck this I am moving back to South Africa.