There's a hole in my ceiling dear Liza, dear Liza ...

Saturday just before D is about to leave for his AC/DC concert we notice water dripping in the dining room. The whole ceiling board has buckled and it looks like it is going to come down any minute, so D makes a tiny hole to release the water, I think we emptied about 2 bucket of water.

We can't really be sure where the water is coming from, so D goes off to his concert, Em has a bath, and as soon as she pulls out the plug and comes down stairs, the water is coming out of every concievable hole in the ceiling, at least now we know it is the bath.

So Sunday he is up there and takes the whole ceiling board down, the water has obviously been getting in for a while, because the ceiling board is like mush and mouldy as well. I call the plumber who promises to come the next day.
(Instead of ceiling up the ceiling, we could maybe hang ornaments from the beams!)

True to his word our plumber who now knows exactly where we live, this is his 3rd visit in about 2 months arrives on time. He tries to solve the leak but has to go further, he tells me what he is going to do and the next thing I just hear banging and clattering and electric saws. Well probably a good thing I did not go up while he was busy, because I probably would have freaked.
Anyway it turns out that the overflow pipe was never sealed properly, the people who sold us the house did a quick renovation job, new bathroom but never got it done properly. So he tells me it is now sealed properly but to leave it for a few days just to be sure to be sure!

We are thinking of adding a door here, maybe we could store our toilet paper under the bath or better still a house for the mouse!

Thanks for the offer of help Lisa & Len, you never know we may just take you up on it! The next project will be to seal all the holes in our house ... oh why oh why did we buy?

The Alien strikes again ...

So everyone has been asking for an update on my "Alien" status, and as soon as I have a moment to write I will update you here, I promise!!!

Susan Boyle ... the voice of an Angel

I first saw this on Thursday morning when I was surfing the BBC new channel, I watched it without sound (because I was at work) and then came home and watched it again, well it brought me to tears. I have read a number of articles after seeing it, and it sums up what everyone feels, Susan came onto Britain has talent and all the judges, judged her appearance and looks before even hearing her sing. By the rolling eyes and the skew faces, not only the judges but the audience as well, they had already decided that she was going to be a waste of time.

Well how wrong they were, this middle aged over weight unkempt looking lady who wanted to be like Elaine Paige or someone like that, wowed the judges and the audience with her stunning voice. I don't know why I cry every time I watch it, but I think it is probably the fact that she showed those pretentious judges who are always looking for the next star to be more beautiful, more sexy and more talented than the one before, that someone without all of the outside characteristics can be even more talented.

It's the fact that an ordinary person from a small village can rise up and be a star! Well done Susan for showing everyone that Beauty is only skin deep, you are beautiful, you are talented and you are everything that a lot of people would love to be!

I showed this to D an hour ago and could not talk to him for 5 minutes afterwards, I was crying so much.

If you haven't watched it already, here is the link to the Youtube recording : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY so far it has been watched by almost 30 Million times, incredible.

Dedicated to the one I love ...

D went to see ACDC last night and I received this picture in an email which I thought was too good not to put on the Blog, maybe you can even see a resemblance? (Only kidding honey) - Lisa you may have to tell him to have a look at the blog sometime.

Summer Nights

Last Monday, Emily and I watched the Movie Grease. Today was an awesome day weather wise and we were eating dinner and playing snap when Summer nights came onto the radio and Emily insisted we had to dance round the kitchen, it was fun. And it was awesome sitting outside in the blazing sun chatting to Lisa today!!! More Summer days and nights pleeze!

I'm an Alien ...

In fact I have never before felt more like an Alien than I do now.

I didn't want to blog about it, I really really didn't but I am just so angry and so sick to death of all the legal f*n s*&t that I need to vent my anger somewhere, and I am not going to vent it on Em or D so I guess I am just going to have to blog about it, thank goodness there are not too many people who read this blog !!!

So here goes! My whole life turned upside down last year, my new boss was in the process of getting rid of all the old staff, little did I know he had a list and unless you bowed down kissed his FAT ass and brown nosed him, your days were numbered. So lots of stress and victimisation I eventually left. However as most of you know if I was going to leave, we had to buy a house right then, who was to know the World was going to go into an Economic Meltdown and the housing market on this God forsaken Island was going to crash! But we were in it for the long term.

You see when Em started school decisions had to be made and one of those was "should we stay or should we go", our applications for citizenship had been sent into one of those government departments in July 2006, yes people 2006 almost 3 F*&ckn years ago!

Anyway we moved into our house, bought new furniture, unpacked all our boxes of stuff that we had shipped over in 2007. We took our annual summer vacation with D's parents and while I was away I was offered a job on condition I would be self employed. So I do all the legal stuff, open a company, apply for a VAT number, get myself and accountant, get all the right paper work out the way and start consulting. This is September 2008. My work visa is valid for another year and besides, when D goes to renew his I will go with him and sort out mine.

So April 2009 arrives and D had to go and renew his visa down at immigration, I go with and tell them my story, only to be told that I am NOT allowed to be self employed and have to seek permission from the minister of justice. Many tears and frustration later, a 3 page letter with every document I can find, get attached and I send it off to the Minister of Justice. The guy down at immigration told me that it would take a couple of months.

Today I arrive home and I am sitting down to check my mail, the doorbell rings and outside stands my lovely neighbor Colin with an official looking envelope that he had signed for. I thank him and wonder what it is, only to open and find a letter from the Justice department telling me that in order to be self employed I have to fill the following criteria:

• Before submitting an application form you should ensure that you can meet the following criteria;-


• the proposed business must result in the transfer to the State of capital in the minimum sum of €300,000;
  
• the proposed business must create employment for at least two EEA nationals for a new project or, at the very least, maintain employment in an existing business;
  
• the proposed business must add to the commercial activity and competitiveness of the State;
  
• the proposed business must be a viable trading concern and provide the applicant with sufficient income to maintain and accommodate themselves and any dependants without resorting to social assistance or paid employment for which a work permit would be required;
  
• The applicant must be in possession of a valid passport or national identity document and be of good character.

You must also submit –

• Your valid passport or national identity document;


• Your registration certificate if you are already residing in the State;
  
• A statement of character from the police authorities of each country in which you have resided for more than six months during the 10 year period prior to your making an application;
  
• Business plan which addresses points (1) to (5) above. This business plan must be endorsed by a firm of accountants or a financial institution involved in venture capital.
  You must provide detailed proof of your own skills levels to undertake such a business including, where applicable, academic qualifications in the particular field, details of apprenticeships, evidence of previous business experience, all qualifications relevant to the proposed business and general experience.
  
• References from former employers.
  
• Original documentations clearly showing the capital available for such a venture
  
• Details of where the business will operate from, including layout specification and lease/rental plans.

Failure to meet any of the points set out above will result in the application being refused.

Even if I want to be self employed I need to submit all of the above, not sure about the 300K, but who knows. And in any case if I had 300 Feking K, I would put it on our Mortgage and I would not have to work!!!

The nice man who wrote the letter from the Immigration department suggests I have my application for citizenship expedited or else find a job with an employer and get my visa renewed for another 2 years, that way I am less restricted as well, as if I am self employed I go from being a STAMP 4 to a STAMP 1, yes my fellow readers this is what my life has become ... A number on a file at the immigration department and a Stamp!!!

How come it only takes 5 years in the UK to become a Citizen and 3 years in Australia, we have been here for 8 F*&K*&g long years in this cr*p&y weather and nothing ..., we have paid our dues, our taxes been taxed to death and there is more to come and still nothing!!!

I have so much more to say, but for now I rest my case and pray that things will work out!

I am surprised I have not had a heart attack! Other alternative, get a quick SA do it your self divorce and marry and Irish citizen, hmmm don't want to do that so what next!

Ring, Ring, why don't you give me a call ...

Obama's Capetonian Image

Daffy Duck

Daffy duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks for a condom.
The reception says, shall I put them on your bill?

Daffy replies….. Don’t be thucking thtupid I’d thufficate

Life after the Whitehouse

Every now and then I get some really good emails, this was one of those!

Life After the Whitehouse!!!

Happy Easter 2009

For the past 7 years I don't think we have once been in Dublin for Easter, with it being a long week-end we always manage to get away somewhere nice, I know last year 2008 we were in Luton, London and it snowed, 2007 we were in South Africa, 2006 hmmm, the memory fades, 2005 we were in Barcelona, so this year is probably the first year we have spent it at home, in our own home here in Dublin.

With Em being at school she knew all about Easter and sat me down the other day and when I say sat me down, that is what she did. We have not taken Em to Sunday school, so what she learns she learns from school, they have assembly for half an hour each morning. So the conversation went something like, Mom come and sit down I want to tell you a story, and so I did, she then proceeded to tell me about Palm Sunday, the crucifixion and of course how Jesus rose from the dead. And then told me WHY we have Easter eggs and what the eggs represent, I was amazed and proud of her, for someone who is not yet 6, she is definitely a born leader and will go far in life. She speaks so well and clear (those speech & drama classes are paying off).

So getting back to Easter, we were all up early this morning, mainly because Emily woke up at 6 and came to show us what the Easter Bunny had brought her, I then got up at 7 and started preparation for our guests.

At about 11:30 D and I started to hide the Easter eggs in the garden, I felt a drop of rain and saw some clouds, but all to soon they had dissipated and the sun shone brightly. We had to wait for Luke and Aran to get here before the hunt started, I wanted them to paint eggs first but chocolate is more important.

The weather turned out to be absolutely stunning, we all sat outside in the garden till everyone had to leave which was after 6. The kids had fun, the adults had fun, the frozen Margaritas and the pancakes were a hit. Lots of food, friends and chat - what an awesome day!

The Number 1. Ladies Detective agency

My friend M told me about this program when I was going on about "Wild at heart", you see every now and again it's nice to go back to your roots and see some local talent. Well for the past 2 weeks Wild at heart has been MIA and so while I was surfing the channels I came across the program that Mars had told me about, so I thought I should watch it. Well I must say it was not half bad, not filmed in SA but in Botswana but the humour is very similar.

The next episode is on BBC1, on Sunday the 12th of April at 9:00 PM

Happy Birthday to Moi

Well my birthday came and went quite uneventful, I had my present the previous week when D and I went to see Tina Turner, so for my birthday I got a Tina Turner triple CD and a Bruce Springsteen DVD which I have yet to watch, and my birthday wish came true, the sun shone from the time we woke up at about 6:00 AM and did not go down till about 8:30 that evening, not a cloud in the sky and just pure Sunshine.

I picked Em up from Swimming (I think she told everyone in the school it was my birthday) and we drove to Sandymount strand and took a walk, the wind however was icy, so we did not spend too long on the beach and then drove home. I really had an awesome day, from the time I woke up, my mobile phone beeped non stop with message after message of birthday wishes, the phone at home kept ringing and my facebook was full of birthday wishes. Awesome! Thanks everyone for making my day so special.

My Wish come true ...

I can't believe March flashed past my eyes. It was a pretty eventful month, what with my dear friend Marsali coming over from London, St. Paddy's day braai, Emily and D both being sick and then all the birthdays. Oh yes and I became a great aunt again, my youngest niece had a baby boy on the 27th of March.

So my wish, well with the recession and buying a house, the pot of gold has dwindled so I told D not to buy me anything for my birthday this year, and if he did buy me presents to make them practical, so of course for Mothers day I got lots of vouchers from revive which I have decided to save and only go when I really have to, I am trying to hold out to as close as possible to the July holidays as we can, so we will see.

Anyway my wish for my birthday was Good weather and lots of sunshine and so far my birthday wishes are coming true. The weather this week has been absolutely fantabulous, and it is expected to last the rest of the week, with most of the sunshine tomorrow, Thursday and Friday. Friday I am finishing work at 11:30 as the school breaks up at 12:00 and Em and I are going to have a fun day together.

Honestly - What people think of me! :-)

I received this email from Ina, and I thought it was great, a little bit of fun - the email read:

"If you saw ME in a police car what would you think I got arrested for?
Reply to me, alone , then fwd this on and see how many crimes you get accused of."

Well I thought that it would be a good post for the blog, some of them are really funny - thanks everyone who sent it back, I will keep the post updated with anymore answers I receive.

"Witness Protection"

Malcolm

"Sexual Harassment"

Wayne

"Ladies of Sandton"

Lisa N

"Being Drunk & Disorderly"

Michael O

"Assaulting Derrick because he drove you nuts"

Stu

"I would think you were having an illicit affair with a good looking gardai!" (Gardai is a policeman or woman for the non-irish)

Nat

"For laughing too much"

Hilary

"Streaking at a Rugby Match"

Dave (Thanks Dave)

"Drug smuggling for that is why all South Africans end up in Irish Jails"

Derrick Joyce

"that you'd locked your car keys in your car and they were taking you home to get spares???"

Mandy

Willful damage to property when someone scratches/bumps your car and you ram a shopping trolley into theirs.
And maybe trespassing because Rose wants to go where Rose wants to go.
And when something happens to Emily, assault.

Marita

I await in antici.........pation the next accusation ...

And here they are ...

"Forgetting to pay for your groceries at M&S"

Tracy

"Chatting on the phone"

Maria

1.An accomplice to smuggling weed (the transkei stuff) into Ireland and trying to sell it at the Guiness festival or in the local PUB!!

2. Finding out that you were the responsible for pulling the plug on the Oceanos and have been charged with attempted murder...who whould ever have thought Rose would do it!!!!

Dale

I think it would have to be something like in Fried Green Tomatoes.

The scene where the younger people rob the parking spot and she points out, she is older and has more insurance and proceeds to smash their car :-)

Lisa Mc

TINA TURNER - 02 Dublin 26/03/2009

The Best Female Artist I have EVER seen in Concert WOW, she is the most amazing almost 70 year old I have ever seen in my life!
The concert was absoulutely awesome, Tina sang her old hits and opened with "River Deep, Mountain High" by the end of the concert which was 2 and a half hours long, there was not one person left seated. The costumes the audience interaction and the venue were just amazing - the cost of the tickets were minimal to what she delivered. Another WOW her voice and body were absolutely amazing just like she has always been.Every song was sung with so much passion, Proud Mary, River Deep Mountain High, Golden Eye, We don't need another hero, I can't stand the Rain, just to mention a few that she sang! BRILLIANT!!!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's day all the mom's and grannies and mom's-2-b out there. Well firstly let me tell you about my week, which was a very short one, went back to work on Wednesday after St. Patrick's day and was very busy Wednesday & Thursday, Wednesday also had college which was very heavy going as we dealt with Income Levy, PRSI & Disability all in one night, got there at 6:45 and only got home at 10:00 PM.

Thursday night I had dinner with my Irish friends, Trish, Bob & Damo at Tribeca in Ranelagh, must say the company was far better than the food, so won't be rushing back there. Then went to bed at about 11 ish only to be woken at midnight by a vomiting child. D & I were up most of the night with a child who's temperature would not come down, so between vomiting we were sponging her down with luke warm baths.

9:00 am I make and appointment to take her to the doctor, but by 10:30 she is burning up again and vomiting still, so I call the doctor out to the house. Another sponge bath, doctor comes, poor darling has a mild bout of tonsillitis and stomach bug, off to the chemist to get medicine and child is as right as rain.

Come Saturday morning, give medicine, half an hour later child brings up all over me, mom in shower, Emily suppository and more medicine and within an hour a new child once again! So mom off to shops to buy grocery's because Bob & Yvonne are coming round for lunch on Sunday, mom promises to phone child from store, which I duly did and heard dad in background saying, "don't tell mom we are going out", he just can't keep a secret from me.

Up at 8:30 this morning, to the most beautiful flowers and lots of vouchers from "Revive", this is my beauty salon and hairdresser, so guess I am going to have to pamper myself before my birthday.

All in all it was a wonderful day, bar a few near disasters which we managed to overcome!

Flasher

Biltong, Boerewors & Pap @ St. Paddy's Day Braai

Living in Ireland you can never predict the weather, but it was decided a few weeks ago that we were having a St. Patrick's day braai - it was organised with the utmost precision almost down to how big the salad should be. Well we could not have wished for better weather, the day was absolutely awesome!

Happy St. Patricks day

If I did not live in Ireland myself and know the Irish I would not believe this, but it is so true.

1) You will never play professional basketball.
2) You swear very well.
3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office. And you have at least one aunt who is a nun or uncle who's a priest.
4) You think you sing very well.
5) You have no idea how to make a long story short!
6) Much of your childhood meals were boiled. Instant potatoes were a mortal sin.
7) You have never hit your head on a ceiling.
8) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer (catholic guilt forever!).
9) You're strangely poetic after a few beers.
10) You are, therefore, poetic a lot.
11) You will be punched for no good reason....
12) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations.
13) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen.
14) Someone in your family is very generous. It is more than likely you.
15) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing.
16) You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking.
17) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency.
18) There wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party.
19) You are, or know someone, named Murph. If you don't know Murph then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac then you know Sully.
20) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret.
21) You have Irish Alzheimer's...you forget everything, but the grudges!
22) "Irish Stew" is a euphemism for "boiled leftovers."
23) Your skin's ability to tan -- not so much.
24) At this very moment, you have at least two relatives who are not speaking to each other (not fighting, mind you, just not speaking to each other).
25) Childhood remedies for the common cold often included whiskey.
26) There's no leaving a family party without saying goodbye for at least 45 minutes.

Australian Letter of the year

This is an actual letter sent to the then DFAT Minster, The Hon Alexander Downer and the then Immigration, The Hon Minister Amanda Vanstone.

The Government tried in desperation to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it nearly wet themselves laughing!

A fabulous characteristic of Australians is that we are far more direct and outspoken than others when dealing with the sort of elected wanker who wouldn't otherwise get the full drift of what they were trying to communicate.

Dear Mr. Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date. For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966. Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely fucking astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!... SHIT!

I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes workin' there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone! Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo... that'd be too fucking easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our fucking heads cut off, and then having to find some high society wanker to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you fucking morons

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!) I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'

You are all Fucking idiots !

Friday the 13th ...

Memories

I some how got to thinking about my youth my teenage years, probably something to do with a post Natalie done. The one memory I have was how work was cool, I started working when I was 17 at Barclay's Bank, and most of the girls in my office were round the same age - the Afrikaans girls were all engaged to be married at that age, but we used to live for the week-ends, just to go on a rave -practically every week-end I would be out with friends at the "Disco" and Jo'burg, Randburg and Sandton had some of the best disco's I can remember.

It was the early 80's and all the big dance musicals, like Xanadu, Grease, Saturday night fever, Fame were all the rage. There was a club in Jo'burg called Xanadu and it had the dance floor with the lights like in Saturday night fever, it was sooooo cool. There were really trendy clubs like Sacha's in Hyde Park shopping centre and then there were the scaly joints like Just for kicks.

The best dance music came out in the early 80's, Abba, Softcell and one of my all time favourites was the Boys Town Gang with "you just too good to be true".